| About a month ago, I had the amazing | | | | introduction.2. You start a speech with some |
| experience of attending the AC Delco National | | | | slightly-off-color humor and lose your |
| Drag Racing Championship in Las Vegas. To | | | | audience.3. You open a speech saying "I'm |
| my surprise, what I learned at the drag strip | | | | delighted to be with you in Reno this |
| can be applied to giving a humorous speech.A | | | | morning." And you forgot that you are, in |
| drag race is where two cars race one-quarter | | | | fact, speaking in Las Vegas.4. In your |
| mile (404m) from a standing start. And if | | | | opening remarks, your mind goes blank and |
| you've never been there, it would be hard for | | | | it's obvious to the audience that you are not |
| you to imagine the amazing power and the | | | | well prepared.5. As you begin your talk, your |
| blinding speed you would see as two top-fuel | | | | audio-visual equipment malfunctions and it |
| dragsters streak down the quarter-mile | | | | destroys the flow of your talk.6. You attempt |
| strip.To begin with, let me describe a race | | | | a piece of observational humor to open your |
| that you might find believable. There is a | | | | talk and it falls flat. Not a chuckle from |
| class of cars called Pro-Stock. They look | | | | the crowd. And you try to explain the joke |
| and sound something like a really hot car | | | | to the audience.You get the idea. A slow |
| that you could imagine as being legal to | | | | start. And you're behind right from the |
| drive on city streets. When drag racing, | | | | beginning, trying to make up lost ground. |
| they can hit about 200 mph (322 kph) in the | | | | And if your start is slow enough, you'll |
| quarter-mile. Now if you were to race | | | | never pick up enough steam to win the |
| against a Pro-Stock car and you were driving | | | | audience back by the end of your talk. A |
| in MY car, a Honda Civic, you would lose by a | | | | good speech, like a drag race, is also often |
| long shot. In fact, even if you were given a | | | | won at the starting line. You want the |
| running start and passed the starting line at | | | | audience energy and momentum with you right |
| 100 mph where your competitor was waiting, | | | | from the beginning. Otherwise you may be |
| you would still lose the race as they as the | | | | fighting a losing battle.Let's look at some |
| Pro-Stock car would accelerate from a dead | | | | things you can do to get off to a good |
| stop and pass you before you reached the | | | | start.1. Be well prepared and practiced. |
| quarter mile mark.Now let me share the | | | | This gives you confidence and the ability to |
| amazing, pounding power of a top-fuel | | | | relax and be in the present moment as you |
| dragster.Imagine, instead of getting into my | | | | start your talk.2. Arrive early to allow you |
| Honda, you are getting into the driver's seat | | | | plenty of time to set up the room for your |
| of a Pro-Stock vehicle. Your challenge is to | | | | talk. This is part of your being fully |
| race a top-fuel dragster. And they're going | | | | prepared.3. Prepare a great, written |
| to give you a running start. When you pass | | | | introduction for the person who will |
| the starting line where the top-fuel dragster | | | | introduce you to the audience. Send a copy |
| is standing still, you are already going 200 | | | | to him/her in advance and bring two copies |
| mph. In spite of this huge head start, when | | | | with you to the meeting venue. I always like |
| you reach the quarter-mile finish line you | | | | to include a bit of humor in the introduction |
| would find yourself the loser as the dragster | | | | to warm up the audience and make the |
| would have already passed you going more than | | | | introducer look good.4. As you begin your |
| 135 mph FASTER than you. Yes, that's going | | | | talk, breathe and make good eye contact with |
| faster than 335 mph (540 kph). The record is | | | | the audience before you say your first word. |
| a quarter mile, reaching that speed from a | | | | This relaxes you and psychologically connects |
| standing start, in under 4.5 seconds!To put | | | | you and your audience.5. If you can only know |
| that power into perspective, here are some | | | | one part of your speech really well, make |
| facts: A top-fuel dragster burns a blend of | | | | sure it's your opening. Of course it's |
| nitromethane and alcohol. A quarter-mile run | | | | really nice to know your whole speech really |
| consumes 16 gallons and costs $4000 if | | | | well.6. Keep all humor in good |
| nothing blows up. The fuel consumption is | | | | taste...without exception. Off-color humor |
| not measured in miles-per-gallon; the | | | | is the lazy speaker's attempt for laughter.7. |
| consumption rate is 84 feet per gallon. | | | | Observational and spontaneous humor tailored |
| According to a web site I found in my | | | | for the group can often hit the mark. But it |
| research, the dragster burns fuel at the same | | | | can also be risky. Unless you're absolutely |
| rate as a fully loaded 747 jumbo jet. Except | | | | sure that an untested humor line will work, |
| that all that power is placed in a 2100 pound | | | | work it into your speech after you pick up |
| vehicle carrying only one person. You get | | | | speed rather than using it as an opener. To |
| the picture. The power and speed is simply | | | | get off to a good start, begin your talk with |
| incredible.An amazing thing I discovered at | | | | material in which you have high confidence.8. |
| the drag races was that the fastest speed | | | | Develop your skills of handling the |
| doesn't always win the race. A dragster | | | | unexpected: When equipment fails, when your |
| reaching 325 mph could lose to one doing 310. | | | | mind goes blank, when laughs fail to come. |
| The fact is, if the slower car departed the | | | | Keep your cool. Don't let the audience see |
| starting line quicker, the faster car would | | | | you sweat!You'll find that when you get off |
| never have the chance to catch up. In fact, | | | | to a great start, your momentum will carry |
| most races are won at the starting line. A | | | | you through little bumps in the road. You'll |
| good start and the reaction time of the | | | | have a great talk, get more laughs and you'll |
| driver and is the key.And so it is with a | | | | finish as a winner.Copyright 2005 by John |
| speaker giving a humorous speech. Get off to | | | | Kinde. |
| a slow start and you will have a tough time | | | | |
| recovering lost ground; spinning your wheels | | | | John Kinde is a humor specialist who has |
| trying to come from behind. Let me give you | | | | been in the training and speaking business |
| some examples of slow starts as a speaker:1. | | | | for over 30 years specializing in |
| You don't bring a well-written introduction | | | | teambuilding, customer service and stress |
| for the person who will be introducing you. | | | | management. |
| As a result you get a bad or weak | | | | |